Making Music

Published on September 15, 2010

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Something special happened today.

Mid-afternoon, I had my voice lesson. While singing the Presentation of the Rose in Strauss’ Rosenkavalier, I totally lost hold of everything that I normally try to control or hold onto – my breath, the positioning of my body, my tone (and especially my vibrato), and most importantly, my emotions.

This is some of the most beautiful music ever written, and the amount of release that is absolutely required of the singer to even sing the notes is something that most people would not be comfortable with. I had a feeling of wanting to burst into tears, but also the most amazing sense of calm. Everything was working without me making it happen – my body really does know how to sing. As Michael said at my coaching this morning, ‘All you should really need to do is just stand there and feel, and vibrate.’ And for the first time in my life, that is exactly what I did.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuS337uc-4Y?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&w=480&h=385]

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1 Comment

  1. eris

    It sounds like you achieved a moment of Zen. Brilliant!

To answer the question: “Do you still sing?”

I have learned that there is a difference between my physical voice, and my voice in the broader sense. I have mastered my physical voice – all the nuances, the breaking points; learned the ways my voice likes to move and blossom. There is freedom and joy in the practise of using my voice in that way on stage. But I needed something more.

Vulnerability Magic: One Year Sober

Inspired by a little silver plastic chip in my pocket that said “Women in Recovery” on one side and the serenity prayer on the other (and my phone full of new numbers), I found a desire within me that I hadn’t even known I wanted until I stepped into that meeting. I wanted myself back.